A Rock For Atticus
by Coco Gash Jirachi
Summary: Kinda a crackfic. Jaden pet rock sits for Atticus, but the job is easier said than done. Slight BastionxJaden, ZanexSyrus, SatoriousxAster and HassleberryxJesse.


**A Rock For Atticus**

**By Coco Gash Jirachi**

**Disclaimer: I don't own G/X!**

**Summary: Kinda a crackfic. Jaden pet rock sits for Atticus, but the job is easier said than done. Slight BastionxJaden, ZanexSyrus, SatoriousxAster and HassleberryxJesse.**

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The door bell rang at the house of the Yukis one morning at eleven thirty.

"Jaden, it's Atticus!" called a familiar voice.

"Nii-chan's boyfriend! The mentally challenged boy you say is your friend is at the door!" Bastion's little four year-old brother Biku called. He and Bastion has spent the night for a sleep over because Mr. and Mrs. Misawa were out of town for a while.

"Will you ever call me by my first name...?" Jaden asked, rubbing his eyes as he turned the door knob.

"Hi Jaden." Atticus said, a light purple shoe box under his arm.

"Morning Atticus..." Jaden said, holding back a yawn.

"Jaden, I have a favor to ask you," Atticus began. "I can't take Philip to the puppet doctor..."

"Who's Philip?" Jaden asked.

Atticus held the box in one arm, and opened it up. Inside, nestled in a baby blue baby blanket, was an egg-shaped gray rock.

"Philip, meet Jaden. Jaden, meet Philip." Atticus said.

"Okay... nice to, meet you, Philip..." Jaden said.

"I need someone to watch him for me until Lexi and I get back from-" Atticus paused, placed a hand on his chin, and looked around. "I forget where we're going- I think it's important- but Philip needs company, and Lexi says I can't take him with me because I'll be playing Peek-A-Boo with him the entire time..."

"And you brought him here?" Jaden asked, blinking.

"Well, yeah. You're the only guy I can trust with Philip." Atticus said, gently placing his beloved rock into it's box again. "Blaire would make him dress like a girl, Little Blue's too nervous for this kind of responsibility, Zaney-Boy could care less, Aster and Satorious are busy making out, Jesse and Hassleberry probably knocked up last night, and I figured that you're with Bastion, and he's smart, so you'd be able to watch him no problem!" he finished with a smile.

"Uh..." Jaden said.

"So could you watch him? Pretty pretty please with sugar on top, ice cream in the middle, and all of the chocolate and fudge on it you like?" Atticus asked.

"Alright... I'll watch Philip..." Jaden said.

_**"THANK YOU!"**_ Atticus shouted, giving Jaden a death-hug-of-doom, careful not to crush or drop Philip's box.

"Air... breath... darkness..." Jaden said, turning blue.

When Atticus let Jaden go, Jaden had to quickly grab the door frame so he wouldn't fall over.

"Here, I'll pick him up this afternoon." Atticus told him, holding Philip's box to him.

"Okay..." Jaden said, taking the box from Atticus.

"Aw, Philip, don't cry..." Atticus said, taking off the top, and taking the rock out. "I'll be back, I'd never abandon you..." he said, hugging Philip to his cheek. "Atty-Nii-san will be back, I promise."

_I should have stayed in bed..._ Jaden thought.

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"... Forget mentally challenged, he's a full-blown mental case." Biku said, eying the egg-shaped rock that sat on the kitchen table.

"Biku, in polite terms, Atticus is what we call 'special'..." Bastion said.

"Isn't that sweet?" Momma asked, frying eggs at the stove. "Your little friend wants you to take care of his pet rock."

"Well, I've got the rock... now what do I do?" Jaden asked.

"Atticus did say that... erm... 'Philip' needs plenty of attention." Bastion said. "So, I supposed you'll have to keep him with you for a while."

"You could just keep Philip in his box and say he napped all day." Biku said.

"Atticus practically knows the language of rock, so that's a no." Jaden said.

"Well, Atticus was right about one thing, sweetie." Momma said, placing plates with scrambled eggs and fried bacon on them on the table in front of each of them. "Rocks do need a lot of attention, and Philip is no exception."

"So he isn't special, Nii-chan?" Biku asked.

"Well, I guess I've got my work cut out for me, then..." Jaden said. "I won't leave Philip alone for a single minute!"

"I wanna hold him, I wanna hold him!" Jaden's baby sister Kolulu said, reaching for Philip from her booster seat.

"Kolulu, no!" Jaden said, quickly picking up Philip. "Atticus said that he's very sensitive!"

"Aw..." Kolulu pouted sadly, sitting back down.

"Here, Kolulu. This sippy cup is just like a regular cup, only it doesn't spill when you drink it." Momma said, handing her a pink sippy cup before she would start to cry (she's a bit of a whiny four year-old).

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"Snack time! Everyone come on into the kitchen! I made pudding!" Lillian Yuki called at one in the afternoon.

Jaden sat down at the table, holding Philip in one hand.

Halfway through snack time, Momma noticed Jaden still held Philip.

"Jaden, sweetie, is it necessary to hold Philip all of the time?" she asked him.

"Momma, the house can be dangerous for Philip." Jaden answered. "Remember that time-" He stopped to shake his head here for some odd reason. "Remember that time Daddy dropped me on my head?"

"Well, I do suppose accidents can happen..." Momma admitted.

"Yeah, see? I'm just being careful." Jaden said.

After snack time, Jaden had pudding on his face, so he went into the bathroom and washed off his face (which was hard to do with only one hand). Then, he had pudding on his hand, so he had to wash his hand as well. As he was drying his hand, Momma stood in the door way.

"What have I told you about washing both of your hands?!" she asked him in a scolding voice.

"But Momma..." Jaden whined.

Momma sighed, crossing her arms and leaning against the wall.

"Seriously, Jaden, isn't there anywhere you can keep Philip safe without carrying him around?" Momma asked.

"Hm..." Jaden said, placing his free right hand on his chin, then snapping his fingers. "I know! I'll hide him!"

"Very good idea, Jaden." Lillian told her son. "Go hide him in a safe place, where you know no one will find him before your friends get here this afternoon."

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Jaden stepped into the living room, and looked around.

"Now where's the best place to hide a rock?" he asked. He saw the magazine rack, and walked over to it, looking to see if the space between it and the wall was big enough for Philip. "Perfect. Kolulu will never look here."

He was about to place Philip there, but then his hand jerked away.

"Wait... Biku's smart, he may look there for treasure or a book or something when him and Kolulu are playing..." Jaden said.

(Cheesily crayon-drawn scene in Jaden's head.)

_**"Hey Kolulu! I found a rock!" Biku said. **_

_**"A rock, a rock, a rock, a rock!" Kolulu shouted. **_

_**"Let's play with it!" Biku said. **_

_**Then, they started playing catch with Philip. Then, Biku accidentally threw Philip at the window, and it shattered. **_

(End cheesily crayon-drawn scene in Jaden's head.)

Jaden jerked his hand away from the magazine rack, and held Philip next to his cheek.

"That seems just like Biku and Kolulu..." Jaden said, fear shaking his voice.

Then, he ran into the kitchen, and opened the fridge.

"Here, Philip. Pretend you're an egg." Jaden said, placing Philip in the egg container. Then, his face became white. "Momma..."

(Cheesily crayon-drawn scene in Jaden's head.)

_**Momma was cracking open eggs into a bowl for ingredients to make cookies, and when the picked up Philip, whom looks like an egg, and smacked him against the side of the bowl, she expected him to break because she thought he was an egg. **_

_**"Huh?" she said, blinking, smacking him down a little harder. "What in the world?" **_

_**Then she banged him down against the counter. **_

(End cheesily crayon-drawn scene in Jaden's head.)

Jaden quickly grabbed Philip and closed the fridge holding him against his cheek again.

"Why would she do that to you, Philip?" he asked. Then, an idea popped into his head. "Hey, I know!"

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"Jaden! The rice, soup and tea is ready!" Momma called.

Jaden sat down at the table again, this time without Philip.

"Look, Momma, no more dirty rock." Jaden said, holding out his hands for her to see Philip was no where in sight. "And I remembered to wash both of my hands this time."

"That's very good, sweet heart. So, where is Philip hiding?" Momma asked as Jaden picked up his chopsticks.

"I can't tell, it's a secret." Jaden said.

"What? You can't trust your Mother with a secret?" Momma asked.

"Momma, Philip's gonna be fine..." Jaden said, rice stuck to his face from how fast he ate it.

"Very well," Lillian said before continuing to feed Kolulu her rice and soup with a spoon.

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"It's channel fifteen, not fifty, Jaden!" Aster said.

"I know which channel is which, Aster!" Jaden said as channel fifty came on.

"We now return to Orangutan Island, here on Animal Planet." said the narrator.

_**"FOR THE LOVE OF FUCKING FUCK! I- AM- NOT- A- PRIMAAAPE! AND THE NAME IS MONKEY, IT'S NOT ORANGUTAN! IT'S MONKEY, MONKEY, MONKEY!" **_

_"Ssssssssokaaaaaaay..."_ Jaden said, blinking.

"I told you it's channel fifteen!" Aster said.

"Gentlemen, stop fighting." Bastion said.

"The retard started it..." Aster mumbled.

"Now, now..." Lillian said, carrying a basket of laundry into the living room to go hang it outside on the clothes line. "Jaden is special, not stupid, nor dumb, brainless, or retarded. The doctors confirmed it." she finished before pushing the front door open with her back to go outside with the laundry basket.

Then, Jaden got to channel fifteen, and there was the duels they wanted to watch.

Just when half an hour passed, the phone rang.

"I got it!" Biku called, running from Kolulu's room where they played to go get the phone in the kitchen. Ten seconds later, he called "Nii-chan's boyfriend! It's the mentally challenged boy you call your friend! He wants to talk to you!"

"When will I hear him call me by my name?..." Jaden asked himself, standing up. Thankfully, the duel went to a commercial. In the kitchen, he took the phone from Biku. "Hello?"

_"Jaden, how's Philip?"_ Atticus asked.

"Oh, Philip's been an Angel..." Jaden said. "He's napping right now."

_"Tell him that Atty-Nii-san misses him, and will be there to pick him up at-"_ Atticus was cut off by some sort of a yell from himself._ "No Lexi, stop it! I don't wanna go back to the men in white! **PHILIP!**"_ he screeched before the line went dead.

_"Ssssssssokaaaaaaay..."_ Jaden said, hanging it back onto the receiver.

"Jaden, who was it?" Momma asked, coming into the house again, this time with folded and dry laundry.

"Atticus." Jaden answered, sitting back down on the floor. "He asked how Philip was then he started yelling and then he hung up."

"Well, maybe if he was asking about Philip, it means he'll be here to pick him up soon." Momma said.

"Oh, right." Jaden said. Then, his face grew white.

"Jaden... don't tell me you lost the rock..." Bastion said.

"... I forgot where I hid him..." Jaden admitted.

"You _**FORGOT**_ where you hid a stinkin' _**ROCK?**_ Are you for serious?!" Aster asked.

"But I know I hid him in a safe place! I just can't remember where!" Jaden said, tangling his fingers into his hair.

"But you can't even remember to wash both of your hands without Nii-chan's boyfriend's Mother reminding you, so how can you remember where you hid a rock, Nii-chan's boyfriend?" Biku said.

"Biku, go play with Kolulu..." Bastion said, sweat-dropping.

"I think I'm hyperventilating..." Jaden said.

"Sweetie, just calm down." Lillian told her son, kneeling down to his level, placing her hands on his shoulders. "You're going to have to retrace your steps so we can find Philip before Atticus comes back and gets upset." She gave a small sigh as she stood back up. "Maybe now you should know the importance of telling me your secrets..."

"This is coming from his best friend- _**NEVER**_- and I mean _**NEVER EVER NEVER EVER IN FOREVER EVEN IF YOU LIFE DEPENDS ON IT!**_- make Atticus upset! He gets_ waaaaaaaaay _more annoying than normal..." Zane said.

"I can't concentrate... Why did Daddy have to drop me on my head?!" Jaden said.

"Get over it! It's a fucking rock!" Aster said, smacking Jaden across the face.

"... Could you do that again?" Jaden asked.

So, Aster smacked him across the face again. Jaden's cheek turned red and was stinging.

"Once more?"

So, Aster smacked him across the face again, this time harder, knocking him over.

"I just thunked!" Jaden said as Bastion helped him sit back up again.

"That's 'thought', Jaden..." Bastion corrected.

"I think Philip's somewhere in the closet, or the kitchen, or the living room, or my room!"

"That's nearly the entire house, Jaden..." Aster said.

"And Philip could be anywhere!" Jaden said. "What if he's sad and lonely and cold- or worse... what if he's hungry?!"

"What about dead?" Satorious asked.

Jaden bit his fingernails as his eyes widened.

_**"I GOTTA FIND PHILIP!" **_

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"Well, we've searched every square inch of each room you remembered being in with Philip, and still no Philip..." Momma said. "Looks like you'll just have to tell Atticus the truth, sweetie."

"But I crossed my heart, and I hoped to die!" Jaden said. "So I'm gonna die!"

"Momma! Onii-chan's gonna die?!" Kolulu asked, tears in her eyes, fear in her voice, Tina her doll in one arm as she hugged Momma's legs.

"Of course not, sweetie. He isn't going to die..." Momma said, picking her up, and letting her lay her head on her shoulder. "It's a way of saying he's going to be in trouble..." she told her, bringing her to her bedroom for a nap, Biku following, rubbing his eyes.

In desperation, Jaden began whacking his head against the wall.

_"Why- did- I- have- to- get- dropped- on- my- head?!"_ he asked.

"Jaden, stop that! It's not a healthy habit that's easy to get rid of!" Bastion said, pulling him away from the wall.

"Jaden, the wheel in your head is turning, and the hamster is spinning on it because it can't run. Don't make it worse. You could have it dead instead." Aster said.

Just then, the door bell rung at the front door.

_"Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit..."_ Jaden repeated, which made his nervousness show as he began to sweat. But then, from the corner of his eye, he saw the back door in the kitchen, which was a sliding glass door. Outside, within the grass, he saw other gray rocks.

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When Jaden answered the front door, his face was red and sweaty from nervousness, and his hands were behind his back.

"... They gave me needles in my ass..." Atticus said. "Lexi tricked me... I thought we were going to go get lunch and then ice cream, but she ended up taking me to the men in white at the hospital with pillowy walls again... I always end up being tricked into going there every month for needles in my ass..."

Jaden stayed silent.

"Can I see Philip? I need to hug him... he always makes me feel better when my ass is sore from those mean men in white..." Atticus said.

Jaden nodded once, slowly. He took Philip's box from behind his back, and opened the lid. From the baby blue blanket, he took a rock similar to Philip. Only, this rock was fatter on one side.

"Here he is..." Jaden said, placing "Philip" into Atticus' hand.

"Huh?" Atticus said, blinking.

Jaden began to sweat more as Atticus kept on staring at the rock.

"Atticus, there's something I oughta tell you-" Jaden began softly.

"Philip, you're preggers?!" Atticus asked, holding Philip up to his eye level. "There's no mistaking it with that big belly of yours! I never knew you knew how the stork works!" He then hugged Philip closely to himself. "I've always wanted to be an Uncle! Philip, you've made me the happiest Atty-Nii-san alive today!"

Atticus nestled his new beloved rock into his box, and even gave Philip a kiss!

"Thanks for watching him, Jaden!" he said, turning around and running down the path to the sidewalk. "I'll see you later! We gotta go get ready for the baby pebbles to come! And Philip wants you to be the Godfather for them!"

Jaden blinked as Atticus turned a corner, and ran out of sight.

"He... bought it?..." He closed the door, and slowly backed away from the door.

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"Just a bit of warm milk, and they're both out like a light." Lillian whispered to herself, quietly closing Kolulu's bedroom door, where her and Biku napped in her bed.

"... He thought a different rock was a pregnant Philip?" Syrus asked.

"Yeah... it looked just like Philip, only a little bulgy on the front..." Jaden said.

"Well, you thought of something smart for once..." Zane said.

"I wonder what happened to the real Philip, though..." Jesse wondered.

"At least Atticus is hollow-headed enough not to notice rocks can't get pregnant..." Zane said. "Because if he knew that wasn't Philip, he'd come over to my house, and he'd start to cry, and then I'd have the urge to strangle him..."

"- How do we even put up with him?" Hassleberry asked.

"God knows..." Aster said.

"Better yet... how do we put up with Alexis?" Jesse asked.

"That, too..." Aster said.

Then, Jaden sneezed, which made Aster jerk away from him because he sneezed in his direction, which made him smack the bag of cookies on the floor, and a cookie flew to the wall, somehow managing to knock down a picture frame onto the coffee table, which in turn made Jaden's deck holder pop open, and what rolled from within it, was a familiar egg-shaped rock, and it bumped into Jaden's knee.

"Oh yeah, now I remember I hid Philip in there and then I put my deck in my underwear drawer." Jaden said, picking up the rock.

"... I take it back, you're just as much of an idiot as Atticus is..." Zane said, sweat-dropping.

"This gives me an idea..." Jaden said.

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_**"COME ON LEXI! I WANNA SHOW JADEN PHILIP JUNIOUR!"**_ Atticus shouted, practically dragging his sister by her wrist with Philip's box in his other arm while running.

Atticus knocked frantically on Jaden's door while Alexis slumped over on the porch steps with swirls for eyes. When Jaden opened the door, he saw it was them.

"Hi..." Jaden said.

"Jaden, look! Philip Juniour's been born!" Atticus said excitedly, opening the box. Inside, was the rock Jaden gave to Atticus as Philip the day before, and the original Philip he had given to Alexis to place in Philip's box when Atticus was asleep to serve as a baby. "Philip got pretty fat, though... but I'm an Uncle now! Isn't that great?!"

"It sure is, pal..." Jaden said with a cheesy smile.

"I'm off, now!" Atticus said, turning around, and seeing Alexis still swirly-eyed. "Lexi, come on! My tye-dye shirts are less swirly than you are right now, whimp. Come on! I wanna go show Zane Philip Juniour!"

Jaden closed the door behind himself when Atticus walked off, dragging Alexis by one of her ankles, the box hugged in his other arm.

"And I'm an idiot? Please..." Jaden said, shaking his head. "Even I know rocks don't get pregnant..."

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**_THEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! _**

**Guess what? I've been watching _Shin Chan_ again, and I'm sick and couldn't sleep so I typed this up... **

**Review... I'm going to bed... or else you will be tortured by watching Shroud on _Orangutan Island_...**


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